Solace in loneliness

Until now, i always feared loneliness. Yeah, i was among the lucky ones to always have friend(s) around. As a matter of fact, i used to find it extremely bizzare to amble around. It was recently that i discovered the true joy of walking aimlessly. I am among the people who are very conscious of themselves and hence i never let myself free in any situation. A few days back my friend rightly pointed out that i can never walk like him, not thinking anything, as if it doesn't matter who all are looking at me and whatever they think of me. Right from my childhood, i had always felt queer being alone in a crowd. You might laugh at it, but while doing daily chores at home, when i used to land up at a shop, i used to find it bad to wait until the shopkeeper gives me the stuff and i pay up. I used to think what am i supposed to do all this while, and as a result i used to be so conscious of myself. In classroom, i used to hate it when i became the centre of attraction (for whatever reasons). Moving along with friends used to be my way to show back to the world "Here. I am not alone."

I realize that devoid of a certain realistic situation, a person would always avoid doing what he/she fears/dislikes. Thats how i came to know of things i could do successfully when i was alone, no matter whether in a crowd, or in a hidden corner of my life. They say, its all about confidence that you have on yourself. Right, it has built a lot in these last few years. Yes, i am learning slowly how to be less conscious of myself and yes, i am learning how to find solace in my loneliness. :)