Love-Life-Laughter

The check boxes

2011-10-09T07:19:00.000-07:00

Life has its own mysteries. One tends to unravel a few of them in the hope that it may give a glimpse of what is ahead, but the exercise is in vain. One admits of having made a few mistakes, but does that help correct the sufferings of the present. I doubt. Most of the people are unsure of how they want their lives to be. They decide on a few things without seeing what cometh next, and then the scheme of unveilings begins. But, that is how life is. One can’t do a preview of the page called life before clicking on “Print.” So, does it mean, after it is printed, one keeps judging all the facets of it, the quality of the print, the setup and other elements. If something is beyond one’s control, does one still ponder over the why’s and what’s of it? Is it indecisiveness or procrastination which is to be blamed, or do situations sometimes force one to take the ignorance path? I doubt if anyone has answers to that. I am trying to find a few answers to the mysteries that lie ahead of me; I do not have the courage to look at a few of them straight in the eye. I wonder what the bigger challenge is, suffering or surviving. And I think this predicament is pertinent to most people & most lives.

I think that most people are trying to find the keys to the locks that they themselves have put up. Only they don’t realize how & when. If only there could be a world where feelings could transcend their own paths, and interact with each other to find the most suitable way out, I am sure most of the locks would not exist. Different people feel differently for different things/events. But most of that is governed by the belief system. Expecting one to completely be aligned with the thought process of the surrounding environment is wrong. But is it ok to remain de-aligned always? Does that help solve the problem, or does it add to the woes. I bet it’s the latter.

People talk about phases in life. They say that you should persevere till the bad phase ends. But, I believe that the entire life is full of these phases. And the good and bad is a part of all of them. It is us who phrase them good or bad, depending on our perceptions & judgments. We tend to judge others by whether they are aligned with our thought process. But, in actuality, are there any two people whose thought processes match. I would say no. It’s only the willingness to accept & adapt that matters. And the circumstances. Not everything in life comes with check boxes. But whatever does have options, we tend to exploit the advantage that we have in those situations. All of us do. If only life didn’t come with check boxes, there would be so much peace. So very much.

The binding glue

2010-11-13T23:24:00.000-08:00

You see a reality show where the participants are in tears when their performance is not great, or they are asked to leave. Or, when they burst out happily smiling on knowing they are safe or they did great. Just think about a show where the eliminated participant just leaves, without saying a word. Would you rather prefer that? Or would you prefer them expressing their feelings before they leave. Would you like seeing a reality show with just the tasks and no dialogues, no narratives. I bet no. What we like the most in reality shows is the bit that everyone is supposedly expressing the real thing, as it exists. There's always an argument on the construct of these shows, on how they are made/tweaked to increase the TRP's. But, the fact remains, people love seeing the natural expression, the impromptu feeling, the honest emotion.

In movies, the parts which get the most audience adulation are the ones where the protagonist displays the relevant emotion in the most fitting way. That which differentiates a good movie from a "not good" movie is how good is the expression of the relevant emotion, be it anger, love, regret, happiness, jealousy, sadness, fear etc. It is only then we are able to connect or relate with the character. It is only then we enjoy watching what they want us to see.

In books, be it a biography, a fiction novel or a non-fiction, that what grips a reader is the honesty of the emotions involved. The connect between the opinions, characters or plot is the emotional anchor on which the book is written. If these books we love reading didn't have one such anchor, they would all become a subject, a dead one.

Its only obvious that what makes people tick are these emotions. We survive because of them. Our lives rotate around them, and that is how we prefer living. They are the binding glue in our otherwise isolated lives.

Winning

2010-03-14T04:36:00.000-07:00

Heart thumping. Blood gushing. Adrenaline pumping. Eyes rolling out. Mind numb. Every known part of human body relates with Winning in a very different way. And why wouldn't it? It is the most satisfying feeling, a journey is over, the destination has been reached.

It would be a lie if one says "Winning is a habit, it does not matter anymore," for everytime one pursues the objective, there is a new feeling, a new journey begins, a new target is set, a new strategy adopted, a new perspective brought in, new variables, new constraints, new challenges. Everything is new. And Fresh.

We associate this feeling with many dimensions of our lives. Be it winning a game of chess, beating everyone at gambling, setting new professional benchmarks, getting the love of one's life, Winning is the only end we want, Winning is the only feeling we pray we end with. Now, some say that what matters is not winning, but enjoying the journey. I disagree. Every known soul plays/works to win. It is that moment of complete pleasure that propels us to work hard, harder. Everything we do or think has only one goal in mind. Win. Win. Win.

Winning an argument, Winning someone's respect, Winning God's blessings, Winning a competion, Winning a game, Winning in your professional endaevours. Winning is the whole and soul behind every initiative. Everything else is a part of the package. Everything.

Survival of the fittest

2009-06-28T02:33:00.000-07:00

You go to college, you make friends for life. Whatever you do, you do together. Play, Laugh, Study, Ramble, Bunk, Think, React. Everything is connected between you pals. Its a completely different feeling. And you get addicted to being together, being surrounded by people, always cheering, making fun, having a ball.

And then, later on in your life, when you sit alone in your room, with all the convenient things at your disposal, for which probably you would have struggled during the college days, do you feel happy? I bet no. You are so overpowered by a sinking feeling, nostalgia takes over you, and you start feeling that all this does not make much sense. A call from a friend, a distant gathering, a walk down the memory lane is enough to make you sad. All of a sudden you start questioning your life, your decisions, your present state, everything. And it becomes worse.

But, life takes it course. It shows you everything. The ups. The downs. The "happy" group hang-outs. The lonely days in a hotel lobby. It prepares you for everything. You have to be ready for change, which is a big thing for most human beings. Change. Different. Adaptability. Adjustment. Don't we so much want to avoid all of these? Don't we wish we could have the "perfect" life, with no changes? But, all this has a bigger picture I suppose. Life has a set path for us. It prepares us for any situation, and it believes in "teaching by doing" :) You would be thrown amidst a situation, and you got to learn. Adapt to Survive. Survival of the fittest. And the fittest is the one who takes all these changes with a smile. Who welcomes any situation, and takes every change as a learning, as a step towards his growth.

Its like going through a gamut of feelings, its like you don't know what to believe. Whether be positive, and confident about the change? Or regret it? It confuses you. Thats its job. But the one who moves on is the one who accepts changes fast. And makes the best out of it :)

PS: Hope I could do the same. Hope its for the best. Hope I survive :)

These old Sulkers :( :)

2009-03-19T06:59:00.000-07:00

Ok. Take a deep breath. Put some swiss mocha frappe in your mouth, and repeat the "dum di dadi da" of Aqua's song "Roses are red" in your mind. Thats the way you cool down, from a day full of frustration, disgust and sheer annoyedness. Its become so usual these days, that I have started relating to these days as "sulkers," i really am afraid of them. The less of them, the happier I am. Not because I lose so much of my positive energy during these days, but also because I end up putting a lot of energy to get out of the "sulker." Like sitting at a Barista, sipping a coffee (which I am not really a fan of), trying to prove my point by blogging about it while pretending to enjoy the music of AQUA.

It sticks. It really does. These sulkers are evil. Because, they won't let you think on anything else, or try to get rid of them. The moment you make a small effort to get out of the mode, they would rush back to you in a certain other form, an unexpected error, an uncontrollable mistake, an out-of-the-blue blunder, and you would be told on your face "THERE. HUH."

Why do we (or is it just me?) have these sulkers? Ok, not a toughie. We ofcourse have them when things don't go according to us, when we can't see where things are going, when we are so unsure of anything and everything that we get anxious every now and then. Like when the car breaks down on a journey, and you feel sick of the fact that you are unable to move towards your destination, and you can't see when you would reach there either.

And then comes the solution. The TALK. The COFFEE. The MUSIC. And, the realization that it ain't that bad anyway. In good times, when I'm happy, smiling and confident, I often wonder about these sulkers? And, question why do I have to succumb to them? Why can't I face them directly on the face and thrash them, by not letting my mind be affected by them. But, the fact of the matter is that its only after i sulk do I get to thinking, talking and thinking, and it is then that I find solutions. It is only when i feel "enough is enough," that i get into the mode of "i need to solve it." May be I am wrong. May be not. But, thats how I am.

No matter how much I say I hate these sulkers, but they are always followed by success. For me. Always. And, I am so used to the success now, that i dare not change the way it is. And that is why I don't actually hate these sulkers :)

PS: If you haven't noticed how I started with "why do these sulkers have to be there?" and I ended with "I actually am happy that i get these sulkers," then you are completely convinced by my logic. Otherwise, I don't really care :D

Hyderabad

2009-03-05T09:28:00.000-08:00

Babu! Anna! Matladu! Chepu! Ray-taan! Cheque-an! Kitna Hona? Bhijata hun! Deta na main! Kiddar ku jaata? 4 days in hyderabad, and I have already heard these words enough number of times to have them registered in my cache memory :)

There are so many KFC's in this city. On my drive from office to home, i see atleast 3 of them, and have to control my temptation of digging into a zinger, courtesy my resolution to get slimmer.

There are more malls/retail outlets/pubs/restuarants in Hi-Tech city than IT offices :D

I get paranthas with curd, butter and sabzi for breakfast? Beat that?

The city is filled with "gudas," "purs" and "pets" (if you know what I mean :P)

I recently learnt that "nainu ninnu chimpastanu" doesn't mean "I Love you" :O It actually means "I will tear myself" :O :O :O

There's a type of paan called "Meenakshi," and the dosas aren't all that great here.

Every city looks so slow in front of Mumbai. So slow.

Cold War...

2008-12-13T07:17:00.000-08:00

There are a certain people with whom you can never build a rapport. No matter how much you smile at them, or try to get into a polite conversation, they would always look down upon you as if you have been the reason why they lost their smile.

One such guy is the "toast wala" outside my office. Lets go back to a year and a half back, when i had first hit his shop for an obvious reason of grabbing a quick bite. Now, one of the reasons why you would eat a sandwich is that you want to save time and trouble of going to a restaurant. But, it wasn't so easy for me. I ordered the sandwich, and patiently waited. After some time, when I asked him about the sandwich, he gave me a "can't you see how much work I have?" look followed by a "dont dare ask about your sandwich again" frown. I was taken aback, and defended myself by saying "its been quite some time now," to which he refused to even react. I decided to stay calm, and waited for my sandwich to be prepared. Finally i ate it, and forgot the incident after a while.

But, next time I visited the shop, the same thing happened, only this time the owner gave me a "you always have to make a fuss out of everything" look and stared at me as if I was from some other planet. I was quiet this time, considering his shop had almost all of my office thumping here and there, trying to order or collect their sandwiches. Ever since then, I haven't been able to build a good rapport with this guy. Everytime I visit his shop, there's a strange exchange of looks that happens between the both of us. And although i try to politely ask doubts regarding the preparedness of the sandwich, he would almost always ignore me, or worse reply with an angry remark. So much so that now I have stopped trying. I just go order, and then wait outside until he or his helper calls me. Atleast I don't have to keep trying anymore. I know for a fact that this is it how its going to be. The "toast wala" and me are always going to be at a cold war, blaming each other for that first tiff, and hoping that we don't have to see each other. But, we both know we can't avoid seeing each other :)

Change = Life :: Life = Change

2008-09-22T02:25:00.000-07:00

Life's different. Life's new. Life's changed.

Ok, I understand I have used synonyms to express the basic feeling, but I'm sure I still have left a lot to be told, which is why what follows is an account of what I am going through these days.

My brief stint at Mumbai ended around 50 days back, and so did all the fun associated with being in Mumbai. The sales stint beckoned, and I waved goodbye to the city, some tears, some smiles, but all in all I had a mixed feeling, a feeling of leaving behind something plus a feeling of curiosity of the future ahead. My 100 days as TL had begun, and I reported at Kanpur.

After the initial 3 weeks of theoretical/practical training, I was alloted the area whose sales I had to increase by my managerial planning and execution. What I didn't know was that the time to follow would require me to stretch all my limits, in the wake of the new rule of the game "Adapt to Survive." Yes, the area that is alloted to me is in a radius of around 150 kms, so sometimes it takes me 6-8 hours while shuttling between towns. The initial days were gruesome, when once the bus on which I was travelling rocked so much that an innocent remark of a fellow passenger that "sometimes the bus topples here" sent shock waves down my spine, and the only voice I could muster to hear was that of my heart beating and praying "Safetly, Oh Lord, Safety" :)

Ever since, I have had numerous cases of exciting yet painful travel, sometimes in a jeep so filled with human bodies that there was hardly any space for air, and some other times half-dangling out of a tempo, because the only place available to sit was the middle seperator. I could claim to have tried all means of transport, the only one remaining would be a crane or a tractor :P Bike rides when shuttling between cities became common, and thanks to the condition of roads in this part of the country, my health was severely affected. But, I haven't given up. Yes, I haven't, despite suggestions that I should relinquish this pursuit.

The best part of the last month has been visits to religious places in the jhansi area (orcha, chitrakut etc) and I plan to visit all good areas in and around kanpur/jhansi before the end of the stint. Yes, finding good out of the bad is one of the adaptability essentials.

Anyway, its been interesting, the last 50 days, and I am expecting the 50 coming to pass in an equally exciting way, good or bad depends on how I take it :)

Adventure Unlimited!

2008-07-10T04:25:00.000-07:00

These have been the best 35 days of my life, undoubtedly! So much experience, so much fun, so much learnings, so much of "everything!" And adventure filled in everywhere, be it an outdoor trip organized as a part of the induction program, or late night rendezvous with 'vasai road.' Life's been amazingly different, in the good sense.

You land up in an adventure tourism spot, and see your tents, and the gang of men whistling for the sake of maintaining discipline, you understand that the next few days are going to be fun. And, when you actually climb rocks, descend them, or float after rafting, you do feel the kick, and the excitement overwhelms your otherwise restrained self. And, in between, if there are interesting team tasks/games/puzzles, you also use your mind (yeah!) and keep it from getting rusted among all the physical activities. Oh, and I forgot, nowithstanding the morning P.T. :D That was Kolad for us, an outbound trip arranged for all RPG GMR's (Group Management Resources) during the first week of induction.

After that, you explore the city which is Mumbai, the various beaches and sea sides, and explore the opportunity of buying (stealing :P) the 'sea view' appartments, amidst the hustle and bustle of the crowd and the various side-effects of staying in one of the most densely populated cities in the world trying to justify your presence here. Nariman Point, Worli Sea Face, Bandra BandStand, Juhu Chaupati have been my accomplices in this mission.

And then, one fine day, you land in nasik, of which you had a faint association with industrial setup. But, out of the blue, you are taken to "Sula Vineyards" and shown how wine is made out of grapes. And, as a bonanza, you get to taste 5 premium wines. Awesome! What can beat that?

You now have this sudden urge of arranging a trip on your own, and luckily the fellow colleagues are equally interested in going out. So, you land up in Lonavala, doing waterfall trekking (thrilling!) and shouting in the face of icy winds and rains. And, when you look at your wet clothes, there is a sense of satisfaction, not disgust! Rain GOD made your plan successful.

Now, now, now! The king of all thrillers! The 'rendezvous with vasai road'. Please read carefully. The night began when me and my friend decided to drop two of our friends (girls, yeah!) to a place called 'vasai road', from where they were supposed to board their train. The train was scheduled for 12:20 in the night. We decided to go by train, and yes, this was a mistake. The so-called Virar local is one heck of an experience (Dudes, never get into that train!). When 3 people are standing on your feet, and still look so proud, you can't blame them. Anyhow, we managed to reach Vasai Road Station. And then, bang, it cometh! The last local back home is about to leave, and so comes the dilemma. Should we leave them and go back? Should we? We wouldn't have, unless one of my friends hadn't showed the confidence that she can manage, and so we left! When we were almost near our guest house, we get this call from them. THE CALL which changed the night.

Apparently, the booking was made for 4th July, whereas since the day changes after midnight, it was supposed to be done for 5th July. Errrr, Grrrr, Phewwwww! Me and my friend looked at each other for a while, and our eyes said it. The night had just begun. We had to take a taxi back to the famous 'vasai road', and the experience was tremendous, considering we were crossing a dark, broken stretch of a highway, surrounded by either water or mountains. And, if that was not enough, the taxi driver provided the best amusement that one could have hoped for at that moment in time. Not only was he driving at 30 Kmph, but he actually shouted at every truck/bus driver who passed by him. It appeared as if he was playing 'Roadrash', the part where the moving cars scare the hell out of you, since you are not sure which way would they move :P

We 'somehow' managed to reach the station. Meanwhile, our female friends were having one helluva time at the station. Surrounded by 10 men in a dingy room, and told not to dare venture outside the station, it was their sheer guts to smile through that time, and keep messaging us. One of them was "10 men staring at us, no harm yet." :D Gladly, we came to their rescue soon, and the journey back home was sheer madness, bursts of laughter intertwined with jerks of sleep. We returned home, cooked up egg maggi, and decided to call it a night. At 5 AM. It was one hell of a night.

And finally, not to forget, today, on the special occasion of my birthday, the adventure continued when I was made victim to watermelon spray, flour + powder, tomatoes and fooled into drinking almost neat :P And then, we laughed and laughed, while my arse cursed me of the event that is my birthday :)

I love Mumbai

2008-07-05T08:22:00.000-07:00

Yes, everyone is amazed by my public declaration, some think it is because of some added perquisites ;) and some others think i have gone plain crazy, but the fact is "I have before, and I still do love Mumbai"

There is a different feeling that I get in this place, a sense of urgency, to be always at my feet, doing one thing or the other. Never does my otherwise "ready to idle around" mind get a chance to analyze or over-analyze things which are better left unthought of. This place had a special association for me from last summers when i was here. I loved the two months that I had spent here, and had always wished to come again. This time, when i came back, its all the more better. I have made some real good friends, and have had some real good times with them.

So, be it fighting for space in locals, or watching the horizon on beaches, i am adding memories, at a speed much higher than I ever imagined I would. This city is giving me something that I had always desired, a simple yet satisfying life, where at the end of the day, I am happy, really happy :)

Mano(u)Ranjan Ka Baap! IPL!

2008-05-17T05:07:00.000-07:00

Ok, alrite, the "manoranjan ka baap" is here. Its doomsday. An ultimate entertainment engine. It could fight against the daily soaps of Star Plus, Zee Tv etc. Its a wholesome package that would shook your lazy self on a weekday evening, and ensure that you keep your "excitement" hormones working :P And, to top it all, it comes with a regionalistic flavour. So, you could go gung-ho about the team which is representing your part of the country. And when it wins or loses, celebrate. And, celebrate some more. And yes, you could also go and see matches on grounds easily, with online ticket booking. Whoa? Isn't that amazing? Four schools of thought emerge:

IPL Rocks: Ofcourse, I mean what would be a better way to pass time, than watching cricket, and the 20-20 format rocks. Well, the match is over in a couple of hours, and its so much of testosterone. Anyway, its better than watching those silly soaps, or that lame music channel (which by the way has set record in repeating songs). Plus, I can change the team I am supporting, with close synchronization to the points tally, they are all Indians afterall (with a fair mix of foreign "read mostly subcontinental"players).

IPL Sucks: Damn BCCI and the idea of IPL, all that people care around me is IPL, IPL and IPL. As if, it were a new TV show. Well, it was another thing when cricket matches used to be telecasted once in a blue moon, but everyday? No way. And I can't swap to my favorite music/movie channel, just because IPL claims itself to be "manu(o)ranjan ka baap". What nonsense! If it was in my hands, I would sue BCCI and all biggies involved for construing such a pathetic idea as IPL.

IPL is good in short term, but not sustainable: Well, a nice change, from the routine. So, whenever i want to switch on TV, i know i can see a twenty 20 match, full of fun and excitement. Plus, i am having a good time supporting Mumbai Indians, afterall I am from amchi mumbai. But, will it sustain the hype? Would people be glued to TV Sets even after the format is one or two years old. I doubt.

IPL is a wrong idea: Is it proper to have such a format in India? Aren't we regionalistic enough already, do we still need this pan nation doze of extra regional attachment? Would this new found baap of manoranjan be able to retain the initial attention. I dont know. I mean, its good to have a few matches. But, so many, that you could teach your toddler counting till 100? Nah, not such a good idea. It does get irritating. And I don't like it when my Gtalk is filled with friends shouting aloud their passion to support their home teams. But, no option as of now. How I wish there could be some customization, some originality, i mean you can't copy EPL, without understanding the difference between the demographics. Now, dont get me started on that. But,
hell, who cares?

PS: I don't belong to any of these schools. For a change, i have no comments on IPL :P

FaceBook. Exposed.

2008-04-11T14:45:00.000-07:00

Behold the World of Possibilty!

Facebook; a place where one can find out who or what one will marry, what kind of bride and/or groom one will be, how many kids one will have, what is for lunch, which color one is, which supercar one is, which assassin, which STD, which fruit one is.. One need not look for life's answers any further. Facebook is here! If one is wondering where one's inner llama is, what outfit one is, which constellation one resembles, which bathroom fixture describes one best, which fictitious cartoon personality truly explains one, which beverage one is, how bitchy one is, what one’s actual age is (the birth certificate lies!) and which Bold and the Beautiful character one is, Facebook is one’s ‘bastt fraand’. Facebook tells one whether one has been blessed with beauty or brains or both. Facebook serves as a mental, social and spiritual gauge for one and all. One may discover whether one is deranged in the “Choose one: Chainsaw or Basket of warm, fuzzy, adorable kittens” questionnaire.

If one has always wondered whether one liked peas or not, Facebook shall come to the rescue. Facebook goes as far as to provide one with pets that one can confine to one’s profile and thus not agitate Mummy and Daddy. One may pet, feed, kick, swipe, slaughter and pimp said pets. One may also stroke one’s ego by creating groups dedicated to the greatness of one. One may wear one’s heart on one’s personal message. One may put up flattering pictures of one and then claim that one looks “hideous and FAAAAAAAT”. One may change one’s number and give out the new one in one’s personal message and complain about crank callers and frandshippers in one’s personal message the very next day.

Even though how long one will live and when one will die do not quite seem to fit, what is a decade long discrepancy when the source is Facebook? Facebook knows all. All ones are slaves to Facebook. It controls ones’ destinies and yesterday's brunch. It tells one how one is feeling now and what tree one will be this time next year. It also makes it possible for one to become a vampire and/or werewolf (for the really quiet kids sitting at the back of the class and muttering to their tellytubby pencil cases).

Facebook is underrated. Facebook owns all. All hail Facebook.

*source: Ruquia, my friend from Pakistan

PS: The author was mad while writing this, so dont take it seriously

Of Addictive TV Shows, Late Night Walks and Subconsciousness...

2008-03-17T11:49:00.000-07:00

Ever been glued to a TV Show so much that you would want to see all forthcoming episodes, and be done with it? Thanks to the invention of internet, and the AVI format of videos, one can now relax and watch TV Shows at his/her own convenience, and pace. Some would still want to see one episode a day, while others (like me :P) want to finish it all. This second category is the category of addicts, and I am proud to announce that I am one, and a proud one :)

One kind of addiction is when you like the show so much that you want to see it continuously. Like, in my grad days, I was so much into FRIENDS, that I used to have re-runs of my favorite episodes, while trying to learn the art of "eating the food without actually looking at it". That was because FRIENDS was fun, and a clear pastime in the days of utter boredom.

There is this second type of addiction that I'm concerned about. This is when you want to see episode after episode, because its a murder/mystery series (Kyle XY), or a reality show (The Apprentice). It was yesterday when i realized how big an addict I am, when i couldn't stop watching Kyle XY, because I wanted to know whats the mystery, the clue, the story. Prior to this, I had known my addiction only to the limit of watching all 3 LOTR movies back-to-back, but now I have realized a whole new me, ready to play around the element of time, in order to finish the unfinished :)

They say, human being prefer patterns and procedures, and left to himself/herself, a human would always prefer doing things in cycles/loops/time-slots. My belief in this was reaffirmed recently when i started enjoying going for night walks with a dear friend, and soon I was an addict, and even at days when i had work, I started feeling something missing on days when I hadn't gone for a walk. As simple as a walk, but addicts we all become, of things that we like :)

I know you must be wondering what has subconsciousness got to do with all this. Well, it does. How? All these decisions that we take, of watching another episode of the TV show, or for going on a late night stroll everyday, become a part of our subconscious, and soon its our subconscious thats deciding things for us, there is no place for conscious decision-making. In cases when the radicality of the conscious mind starts taking lead, the subconscious puts in a strong defense, and hints on how we like the patterns, the happiness of the whole cycle, and the feeling of having done it. And mostly, it wins. :)

The soothing drops of music

2008-03-15T08:54:00.000-07:00

Once, around three years back, I had a terrible headache, and no attempt of mine to fix it was working. I put on some music, and whooosh! It was gone. I was shocked, in a happy way. Had i just discovered a cure to headache? Did I "by chance" stumble on to a complete new remedy of the most frequent of those irritating aches? I wondered, and I discussed the same with a friend. But, he could do nothing but laugh at my excitement. According to him, he could get over a headache only by having sleep, nothing else worked for him. Because I wanted to prove my point, I made some friends try listening to music when they had headache, but it didn't just work for them.

I was set to think if I was different than them, if I had some special love for music. I knew that I loved music, but this sudden new revelation was surprising. After some time, I realized that everyone has their own ways of feeling better (when stressed). Some would have a small nap, some would talk to their loved ones, while some others would prefer pain killers. My pain killer was music. And i was happy to know it :)

The years went by, and I forgot about my special association with music. It was only recently, that I was reminded of it, and I decided I needed a music player on the go. Since I always wanted an iPod, I ordered one, and I have been in bliss ever since. I also wanted to learn some instrument, and one of my new year resolutions was to learn one. I am happy that for the first time, I am actually living up to my resolutions. I joined guitar classes, and I am just lovin' it.

When i am practicing on my guitar, or when I am listening to those soothing drops of music (e.g. U2- With or Without you), my mind is so relaxed, I just feel like being in that state forever. I have a new friend now, a friend I would like to cherish forever, Music! :)

Sikkim - Switzerland of the east :)

2008-02-08T11:09:00.000-08:00

As amazing as it looks in the pic, Sikkim is truely "Switzerland of the east". I haven't seen switzerland, but i am sure it wouldn't be a great lot different :)

My recent trip to Sikkim is one of the most memorable vacations I have ever had, and I am so lucky to have witnessed the place in its most beautiful avatar, during the time when the lakes freeze, waterfalls become hanging snow, and the roads get slippery with ice.

I had been to darjeeling before, and a friend had remarked at that time about my stupidity of choosing darjeeling over gangtok. I had thought he must be kidding, and ignored it. But, four years later, when i reached yamthang which is the valley of flowers at 12000 ft, I knew that my friend was right. Sikkim is truely one of the most beautiful places in the country, and the ice capped mountains were witness to the joy I experienced while making my way through the snow :)

Awesome experiences summarize the trip, beginning from wooden cottages at places with sub 0 temperature, snow fighting in the valley with knee deep snow, oblivious of any other purpose of life, other than living in the moment, for the moment was so beautiful, and I had to catch my breath many a times, more out of awestruckness, than lack of oxygen :D

Would strongly recommend the place, the peak season is March, April. Places to see - Yamthang, Nathula, Tsomgo lake, Rumtek Monastry

Cancer Man - That describes me to the last word :)

2008-01-06T06:01:00.000-08:00

The most sensitive man and the weakest emotional type in all Zodiac. Most Artists are Cancer. Cancer is controlled by the "Moon" and the moon change it's shape daily, so Cancer man's emotions and moods change all the time too. You will confuse with him and yet it is his constant changes that "Charm" you. He never goes to get what he wants directly, but he will wait for a chance and opportunity to do so. Once he gets what he wants, he will not lose it, except if he gets tired of it by himself.

The most sensitive man who can not stand rejection. He cares what other people feel or think of him. He hates losing face and he tends to over protect himself, so sometimes people might think he is a cold person.

Gifted, creative, imaginative, is Cancer. A mystery and complexity play a major role in a life of a Cancer man. He could be very funny, very quiet, suddenly very sad. Living with him could be very unexpected, for you will not know what is his next mood. If you like excitement and surprise, you have the right guy and would never have a chance to get bored.

He thinks of his home as "nest" and it is the safest place for him. If he feels hurt or depressed he will stay at home alone quietly. Once he feels better, he will come out of his retreat and live normally again. Being a loser is not him.

It is so easy to fall in love with this guy because he is gentle and a very polite guy. His wit and creative mind could win your affection. He will come out from his nest to protect you even if he is not opening himself up to other people much. Not many people will win his heart. His security is only when he has money in his pocket. Once he feels secure then he might think of having a happy family. Even he likes to make and keep money, he is not stingy. Spending money is part of his good image, so he will be happy to spent money to take you out to a very expensive restaurant or buy a jewelry for you. Certainly when he has money OK.

He is possessive to everything that he thinks belong to him. Don't try to talk to another cute guy in front of him, he will get suspicion because he is not very secure or confident in himself for this kind of competition.

Once you know each other too much, he will start to look for new excitement, but not to worry for he will always think of you. If he thinks you are the true love for him, and you try once to disappear, you could be sure he will come and look for you.

He is a shy guy, but if he likes you, you can get up in the morning and see that he is in front of your house everyday till you go out with him, a very persistent guy.

He likes a secure, cheerful and lively woman, confident but at the same time one who always act proper and appropriate. He likes a secure woman, who's able to adjust to his rapid changes. A very difficult type to find woman indeed.

In the beginning, you and him will be so sugary sweet together and he will only think of you. This so "super romantic" will not last forever, so don't slip this chance. If you are the one who want his interest, then act and make yourself interesting. Be a supportive person and give him compliment sometimes, but not too much till he thinks you are not sincere.

Unlike many other Zodiac, if he is mad then you better get out of that room. He will calm down by himself. Giving him a slight touch on his shoulders or concerned facial expression are enough. He loves his mother, so try to be his mother's favorite, but do not act like his mother!

The Saree Seller

2008-01-05T06:37:00.000-08:00

Recently i had a visit to a saree shop with the two influential women in my life, my mom and sis :) And it was an experience i won't be forgetting for quite some time. Actually i was fooled into coming for (saree) shopping, which i was foolishly thinking would be a fun exercise where i shall roam around the mall, and pick some good things for myself. But, the fun ended when my sis asked me to take a detour from the "road to the mall", and at that moment it struck me, this is it, i should have seen this coming :D

Once inside the shop, since i didn't have anything to do (i obviously can't understand or relate to the terminology they use while referring to the sarees and their various avatars), i started having a look around and got stuck at the most amazing selling procedure i had witnessed in recent times.

The protagonist of this scene is the man who is making the sale, that is the one who is showing the sarees to the women, and believe me that is not the only thing he does. His KRA might be actual sales, but his job specification/responsibilities is/are quite enormous. If i could list them in a bulleted form, the following would be his process of sale:

* Ask the customer about their preference of style/range/fabric
* Show them some sarees, and try convincing them on as many as possible
* When you have reached the point where the women have still not shown that glint in their eye, bring that "special" saree which you think would make them nudge from their "not buying" status.
* Once you know that they are definitely gonna pick up "atleast" one, confuse them with colours and variety, and constantly argue about how they are letting go of an absolute marvel, which
would have gelled perfectly with their personality.
* Not even once in this entire process could you allow your eyes to take off from theirs, because your actions/suggestions should follow the customer's reactions (and eyes tell them all :))
* During the process, if the women are talking between themselves, use all your energy (and if possible, science :P) to hear as to what is their point of worry/confusion/deliberation and strcuture your sale according to that.
* If they have started to pick some sarees from the lot, consider it a positive sign, and try convincing them to pick up as many as u can.
* Once they are done with the filtering, and you see that it might be possible that they buy more than one, start praising each one in their own light, and make them buy quite a lot of them :P
* If you see that they have made up their mind on buying just 1, be smart and advice them to pick up the expensive one (which should obviously look good at them)

Whoo! What a task! I was awestruck by the skill set that the salesman possessed, and how specialized and typical this selling process was. Hats off to all those who deal with the most confused/not ready to listen/intentionally exaggerating their requirements/always ready to blame the shop for not having what they want/highly indecisive set of customers that one could ever have.

Shantaram!

2007-12-31T11:51:00.000-08:00

"It took me a long time and most of the world to learn what I know about love and fate and the choices we make, but the heart of it came to me in an instant, while I was chained to a wall and being tortured. I realized, somehow, through the screaming in my mind, that even in that shackled, bloody helplessness, I was still free: free to hate the men who were torturing me, or to forgive them. It doesn't sound much, I know. But in the flinch and bite of the chain, when it's all you've got, that freedom is a universe of possibility. And the choice you make, between hating and forgiving, can become the story of your life"

With a starting like that, who would like to leave the book! Atleast I couldn't :) And I am realizing why was everyone suggesting me to read "Shantaram".

The two little angels

2007-12-24T01:40:00.000-08:00

Long time this is due, an update on my twin nephews. Afterall, they are one of the reasons I smile much more these days. The duo have matured (relatively, alrite!) quite a lot, and the elder one has even started greeting you (obviously, on hearing a codeword from mom :P).

Ashman, the elder one, is a serious thinker, and quite agressive at it. Believe me when i say, in any circumstance, he evaluates the pros and cons and takes the action which would maximize his utlity function. LOL. I know that does sound a little too much MBAish, but he does exactly that. He is the doer, the attention seeker, the brave, the protector, the ruler, from his expressions. He wants it all, for himself, and even knows how to get it. Its not surprising when he is found dominating the younger one (younger by 2 min he is :D), using force, intelligence to get over him and reach his desired target, which could be anything ranging from getting into grandpa's lap to driving the little scooter. Yes, they both are 1 year of age, so its a stationary scooter :)

Arnav, the younger one, is more emotional, less self centred, less (relatively) judgmental, and more childish. There are times when i feel he has grown up slower than ashman, but then i realize its not like that. In reality, the elder one has matured too fast, he is beating his age, and I am sure he is gonna be a strategic thinker/doer soon :P Back to arnav, he is so sweet that he would not resist much when the bro would snatch away the prize possession. May be he knows he can't dominate him, but whatever it is, he thinks less on material things, thats what i feel. He is happy making others happy, is more emotional, and pure. Saying that does not mean that the elder one is not all this, just that arnav has these characteristics a tad more than ashman.

There's a clear divide between people who like either of them more. The ones who treasure sweetness, cuteness, and childishness in kids like arnav more. But the ones u expect the kids to be highly active, understanding, and mature like ashman more.

Haha, thats where my analysis ends. I am watching n waiting for both of them to grow up, to see whether what i predict of them comes true or not. But anyhow, both of them are really really amazing kids, best on the block :)

PS: Blogger isn't been helpful in attaching pics, u can check them out in my orkut album

Long time no blogging...

2007-12-23T13:33:00.000-08:00

Yeah, its a real long break i have had from blogging. But, i am back, back for good. Past few months have been very special for me, in a lot many ways. And i have been successful in rediscovering myself, for the good.

Well, the good news, as most of you would know by now, is that I got placed, and so the 2 yr break from work was justified (i know thats putting it curtly, but thats what truly it was!) But this break taught me a lot of things, truly. For instance, I came to know what my dear friend meant when he said "When u are ready to do an MBA, u are ready to shed away your innocence." So correct! These 1 and a half odd years have been like a dreamland movie, where I saw it all, and had to come out of it untouched. But the fun part is, that its very late when you realize that its just a movie :) Ok, I know that sounds complicated. Putting it simply, there are many things that you do in a bschool, with no intentions of having meant to do them, or even the slighest belief of the implication, good or bad. You do them, just for the heck of it, because you are in a business school.

These days, I have been giving sermons on why everyone should do an MBA. The prime reason I quote (:P) is that it teaches you how weird can people be, at times, and gives you opportunities to be effective in handling them. They say, that an MBA teaches you team spirit, organization, coordination, and all that jargon. I say, if not anything else, an MBA does teach you how to get your work done, in the worst of the situations, with the worst team that you could possibly have, with people having opinions as diverse as that of the japanese and the americans. Phew, to sum it all, it teaches u a lot, unknowingly...

There are a lot of things I want to write about, really. But for now, I would close this one, and come up with individual posts on those issues soon :)

Cheerio!

The feeling of nothingness...

2007-09-15T08:44:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt it? Have u ever stopped feeling at all? Ever experienced a weird sensation of "what next?" I am sure you would have, as i do. Yes, some things are strange, inexplicable, uncontrollable, and scary! The feeling of nothingness tops the chart.

Usually, when one has lots of things in his/her mind, lots of work, or atleast something to look upto, the mind is preoccupied, mostly with the anxiety attached with it, and the brain is working full time to come up with solutions to problems. But, that one time, when you tell your mind that its enough, that you want some rest for yourself, and then when you get up, you experience the feeling of nothingness, screaming "what next?" Yes, the mind has become preconditioned to working, and when it does not have anything to do/think about or wonder, it shows its angry side, forcing you to pick up something which could best kill that feeling, and relieve you of the eerie sensation.

The times when you are out of sleep, yet cling to the bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking nothing. How does one explain why we do what we do then? That is, nothing. Does it have a mechanical explanation, or is it something beyond the scope of human mind to explain?

Or, when you have thought that you would do a particular task, but do not seem to manage time in order to do it, don't you experience that longing, a strange motion inside the brain, which says "do it", and does not subside until you actually finish the work. And, once you complete it, a kind of peace prevails over your mind, with a feeling of nothingness, as if the mind's work was over for the moment, and it went into hibernation, for the time being. Thats how i am feeling now, when i am finishing writing the post :)

Torn...

2007-08-13T13:32:00.000-07:00

Has it ever happened with you that you had doubted your best friend of some malice? or curtained intentions? How did it feel at that moment? Skeptic? Confused? And after that? Guilty? Remorseful? How do you draw that line between trust and fear? between faith and insecurity?

When recently i had to face such a situation, I was aghast. I could not decide, what to do? Believe my mind, which was coming up with logic against my friend, or trust my heart, deep inside which i knew that he/she could not lie or pretend in front of me. I was torn apart between these two opinions, when i decided to take things as they come. I chose to trust my mind first, and in doing so, I started feeling as if nobody could be trusted anymore.

But then, in a sudden moment of revelation, something struck me. And it was nothing but the fact that i could not keep my heart's point of view in isolation for a long time. It did come back, with logic which had evolved with the bond that I shared with him/her, and more popularly known as emotions and feelings. Yes, i could not suppress it for a long time, not with the person in concern. Its as if these strong feelings/associations that you have towards somebody get moulded into a patterns, any deviation from which is met with utmost resistance.

Life does become very difficult at times like this, when the two very important parts of you (yes, mind and heart) get at war, and you know that you would lose if you chose to go by any, because both are facts, one as a result of long friendship, and the other more short-term behaviour. And, in that moment you wish you didn't have to make this choice, that you could forget the incident as a bad experience, and continue having the same faith and trust in your friend as you had before, as if nothing had happened :-)

Train choot rahi hai kya?

2007-06-20T04:39:00.000-07:00

How often do we get to hear this age old phrase when we are buzzing off in the times of urgency, rushing past people, unaware of how/where are we hitting them on the way. While at those times, our real answer could have been "no", here, anywhere near the Mumbai Stations, no one would dare ask that question, because the answer is obviously "yes".

Well, its been quite some time now that i have been travelling by the Mumbai locals, and although it was a little difficult in the starting, i slowly got adjusted to the pushing and squeezing that one has to do here everyday for the sake of an entry into the heavily crowded train. I wouldn't be exaggerating if i said that the Mumbai local is a site to watch itself, apart from the famous beaches, markets, hangouts. As it is, the western line is heavily crowded, and i happen to be blessed with the commute there.

The day begins with the anxiety that one is late, and just have just landed himself/herself into peak hours. And, then the real trouble begins. Rushing to the station, one can see a huge queue at the ticket counter, filled with people, anxiously waiting for their turn. Once you cross the first hurdle, you land up on the platform, and the real story starts here :) Annoucement of the next local sounds like "Platform number 2 pe aane wali local churchate jaayegi. 9 dabbe ki ye dheemi local sab stations pe rukegi". Now, begins the game. There are two kinds of trains, slow or fast. The fast one halts at major stations only, whereas the slow one is more user-friendly, because it picks up people from each and every station. Another way how these trains can be categorized is "the 9 compartment one" and the "12 compartment one". If you happen to buy a season ticket, which is a fancy name for the monthly pass, for the first class, you tend to believe that you would now be relaxed and can easily get a place to sit. Your dreams hit reality when the first time you "try" to enter the first class compartment, with your pass nicely tugged inside. I say "try" because you wouldn't essentially succeed in it, for the amount of rush and attitude the first class compartment has. Don't know if mumbaites would subscribe to my opinion, but i feel that the public travelling by the first class starts believing that since they have paid a much bigger amount, they deserve all the choices, including the one to not let anyone else get in.

That was how i missed my train, when i wanted to get into the first class compartment for the first time. Next train came, and i could board it, in the second class though :) "so much for service". Now, the struggle i was talking about doesn't end when the train's arrival is announced. What happens next is the event of finding out whether its a 9-compartment one or a 12-compartment one. Now, this because the first class coaches for the two come at two different stops, nicely marked in stripes on the bars on the platform. So, having located the suitable location of entry (sounds like a war right?), you wait for the target, and when it appears, managing getting hit by the jumping passengers, you make a dash for entry, forgetting about the existence of your stuff as well as your body, just to get inside somehow. Phew! Somehow, if you manage to get in (after 2-3 trains have passed by), you make an attempt to reach a less crowded portion of the coach. Believe me, in 99% of the cases, there isn't any. So, there you are, hanging, struggling/trapped between bodies from all sides, saving your stuff and your wallet (yeah, theft is another famous thing in mumbai). Even then, if you do manage to find a place where there is a 1 inch gap between you and your nearest neighbour, when you check out the approaching station's name, you realize that yours is the next one, and then begins another fight, to reach to the door :) Asking people if they happen to get down at the same station as yours, you make a dash for the door (lest you want to take a joy ride to nariman point at the extreme end of mumbai), and then when the train stops, push push push, and jump out to the platform, and make a run for the queue that takes you out of the station.

And, when you repeat the same process while coming back in the evening, all you want to do on reaching home is lie down and sleep. And thats why i say "Mumbai is fun sans the travel"

Any readers wondering if there could be some alternate modes of commute, are requested to buzz off the idea from their mind, for I have been the victim once, having waited for 2 hrs in a bus for a 10 km journey :) So, all in all, the train saves the time, and hence is preferred by most people, and the result is what i told you, RUSH!

A Happy Moment...and thereafter...

2007-06-10T03:00:00.000-07:00

After a long time, I lived a happy moment. And time has stopped ever since. I mean, the good times appear to be back, albeit for a short period.

It all started when I went to Mumbai to start with my eight week long summer internship. A welcome change from the routine ifs and buts of college life, I had been awaiting the beginning of the summers, for the want of a better means of leading life. Not that I was unhappy with the college life, but it had become kind of dull and boring, with the same old routine classes, assignments and tests.

So, my search for the better was over when I reached Mumbai. Awaiting at the guest house, which CEAT had arranged for us, was a smiling attendant and a neatly furnished apartment. People had been cribbing about difficulty of staying in Mumbai, and our (sure I would mention my partner-in-crime Madhuri here) deepest fears had been arranging for it, until the day when we were told that CEAT would arrange accommodation for us. And on checking out the arrangement, we could only smile, in relaxation. It was much better than what we had expected, and by all means we were happy. And then, we had a sudden good news. Madhuri’s uncle left us a chauffeur driven car and our plan, that Ali (who’s a localite) would show both of us some good places, knew no bounds. We went to Bandra BandStand, typically a lover’s spot, but an amazing seaside, fraught with waves, splashing over the small stone rocks. It was a sight. But for my friends, who apparently couldn’t see so much of beauty in the moment, I could have remained there, spell-bound, waiting for the waves to come and splash water over me, until I would have been drenched.

The following few days were spent mostly in getting acclimatized with the company, and evenings (and sometimes nights) in hanging out, and exploring famous places in Mumbai, like Nariman Point, Malabar Hills, Worli Sea face. And then I observed something, which hitherto I thought to be trivial. I became very happy whenever I approached the sea. It was as if the sea was talking to me in an unknown language, and I could sit at the beach, or the shore gazing into the splashing water, and observing its beauty. And therafter, I left no chance of convincing friends to go to sea face or a beach. The time spent was good, and we checked out many good places in Mumbai, a few good malls, and a few good eating joints.

Then, when it was time I arranged for a 1 or 2 day excursion to a nearby place, like lonavala, there came the NEWS, that I had to leave for Delhi. All plans went to trash, but I was not disappointed, because going to Delhi meant start of some real work. Against my expectations, the stay in delhi, and faridabad (as the regional office was in faridabad), turned out to be good, partly because faridabad is like home to me. And then when the work started, it was a mix of good and bad times. The work turned out to be good, with my ever increasing need for achievement finally seeing some light, when I was meeting all top people, and working out plans (sometimes outside the scope of my project). But, all in all, the traveling was fun sans the heat. Now, I am at home for the weekend, and as I read the news “suraj ne aag ugli”, I feel a little scared for the upcoming days, when I have to do more travelling for my market research. But, at the bottom of it, there is happiness and satisfaction, of a kind never experienced before. Wish i could tap most of it for the remaining part of my life :)

What do you do when you are begged?

2007-03-26T07:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, when I was sitting with a friend at a so-called “modern” hangout, I couldn’t help noticing that there were a good number of small children begging, and they displayed a particular art in it. Notwithstanding the feelings I have about the present state of poverty in the country, I was amazed to find out that one of the small kids knew the in and out of human response system. The beggar knows how to successfully gather a response from the begged (used hereafter for the person whom the beggar is approaching for alms). It seems he had a well calculated threshold time limit till somebody could ignore him, pretending to be in deep conversation. Once that time limit is reached, there are two options that the begged has. He could reach his wallet, either with an offer for the beggar, or to get rid of the irritation the beggar is causing. Or, he could hush him away, either with a modest protest, or a verbal attack, so as to make his intentions clear. That he is not going to melt out by the emotional chords the beggar is trying to touch, or surface out.

What is noteworthy here is the immense presence of mind that the kid displays, his expert opinion on human psyche, and his acute understanding of human behaviour. I am sure given a chance he would teach all the psychologists or psycho-analysts how to interpret human reactions. With the endless hours of practice that the kid does in his profession (well, I heard somewhere that begging has become an industry itself), the different set of people he meets everyday and the different responses he attracts from them, the understanding of the whole society grows on in his mind and he becomes a master in his area, counseling newbies on how to get a favorable response.

Well, that brings me to the point. In this contemporary setup, when we are complaining about corrupted, value-less society, what we need to do is check the grounds on which the values are getting eroded. What else could we expect if we don’t bother to think about the innumerable small kids begging for alms, money, food or attention? What, in essence, we are promoting is a huge battalion of criminals (in a way), the army of people who don’t see any other end to the quandary they are in. The individuals who happily sacrifice/disobey the values they are supposed to possess and display. And why wouldn’t they? What we, the so-called educated class, does about this whole issue? We are good at blaming the poor kid for his disobeyance of the social code. But, do we care to understand his psyche? Do we ever care about the reasons why he is begging at the first place? In most cases, it becomes a necessity, a lineage that the kid inherits from his family. Instead of being taught morals and values, the kid is left to survive on his own, and in this ruthless world, the poor kid finds no other way to feed his hunger and desires. And the response he gets from everyone further strengthens his non-belief in the existence by moral standards.

I believe it’s high time we should tackle this whole issue on face. We, as individuals, could combat this ever-increasing problem of poverty, not only by donating to the charitable trusts, but by actually ensuring that each one of us take responsibility of 1 child’s future atleast. Not very far would be that day when we could have happiness spread all around us, and when I suggest this, I do so with full statistical information of earnings of Indians and the change they can bring if they are willing to.

Philosophical me...

2007-03-05T13:22:00.000-08:00

It's been a long long time since i last posted. But, thats mostly because of the MBA groove (yeah, thats what i call it) i have got into these days. Life's moving at a fast pace, when i wanted it to slow down, so i could take each thing at a time. And its moving real fast, sometimes becomes difficult for me to catch up, and comprehend. But, i am enjoying, every day :) Because with every such action-packed day, i get closer to my goals, away from the influence of any kind of dampeners, if any. Past few months have taught me more than i could have imagined them to do. For the good, mostly. Somehow, i feel like experimenting with the untouched facets of my personality, trying every possible way to deal with a situation. Not to forget the added confidence it provides me, for I am, once again, at ease with what I am. I know this might sound way too philosophical, or incomprehensive to understand or react to, but believe me, i'd rather prefer it this way. And, i have my reasons.

Life looks different from different angles and at different points in time. On one hand, it might offer a lot of opportunities/challenges, but on the other hand, it might offer blockages/betrayal/pitfalls. It takes our test every now and then. And the ones who pass consistently are the ones who become successful in the end. Sometimes, it becomes difficult to understand what it has on offer. These are the times when we fail to discover its true meaning, and intent. In such times of confusion, what helps is perseverance, stability and control.

Coming back to what life's offering me these days, I'm satisfied with the fact that it's keeping me occupied enough to avoid the gruesome work of the empty mind. And once again, I am enjoying it :)

Faces in a crowd...

2007-01-14T04:09:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, i attended a function where i hardly knew anyone. So, i was checking out how people were reacting and responding to various topics/events. I could make out that most of the people had gathered there in formal sense of duty fullness, than real happiness. While the men were concentrating on the drinks, the women made it a point to utter some pretentious statements of congratulations to the hosts. One could easily make out by the way they were meeting each other, the murmured one-liners after they had gone by, and the "how could you be more happy than me" looks they flaunted, that they were not living their own lives there, they were more interested in what others' had to serve from their experiences, good or bad. The entire gathering, barring a select few, looked like a get together of losers, who had no objective criteria for assessing their happiness, who were driven by what others expect out of them, and how has it been going for them and their families. Its probably rude to put it like this, but most of the people appeared hollow from inside, with a well-crafted covering they were sporting on the outside. The regular discussions included "hey, i came to hear about your new work" or "looks like you have been working a lot". Not that such statements are necessarily malign, but the way they were said made them look mean, if not evil. Anyhow, laughing, i messaged a friend and she replied with "Thats the way of life", the age old explanation of things which you find purposeless. I decided to call it a day, on analysis front, and went back to drinks :) Cheers to pretension, cheers to society, cheers to life! :)

Of lost ways in Delhi and Airtel Customer Care folks...

2006-12-19T03:23:00.000-08:00

Well, don't start linking the two issues i mention in the title. They are, till date and as far as i know, completely independent of each other (disclaimer: As is being taught to us in a course on systems thinking and flexibility, everything is related to everything else or atleast thats what i interpret)

Airtel customer care people have been successful in frustrating me more than anything else in this world. Here's a little experience i had with them. A few days back, when my gprs was not working, i called up their customer care number and after endless verifications, some completely meaningless (example: Sir, please confirm that your billing address is #$%#@^&*()? I am yet to understand who in the world would say a "no" to that), I was asked what problem was i facing. Having told the problem in detail, I was asked to dial up another number, which was their technical dept's. Gladly, i called up the new number, only to discover, that after listening to my problem, the person on the other side says "Sir, you need to connect to our technical dept, the number is !@#$" and he gave me the same number. When i mentioned that i had called up the same number, the guy says "i agree sir, but you would have to call up this number again". Goddamit! I was so pissed off, i mean is there anything called logical sanctity left in this world? After cooling down, I called up the number again, and to my relief, there was a person who took the responsibility of being from the technical dept. So, i reported my query to him, and in return he says "Sir, you would have to call after 4 hours as our gprs network is down". I told him that my particular problem was persisting for more than 4 days now, and so i was sure that it had nothing to do with the current network problem. To which, he humbly replied that he understood and that my problem will be solved after 4 hours. After i asked him how could he conclude that my problem was related to the network, he insisted on the same answer "Sir, you call up after 4 hours and your problem would be solved by then". That argument killed any last remnant of logic expected from the airtel customer care and i hung up the phone cursing my bad luck on having to interact with such people. But, after my problem was solved (which it did by itself after a day), i thought about the mad rush these telecom or for that matter any calling based firms were breeding, without even giving them the basic level of training. Duh, i don't know, but i wish they were a little more selective/careful on training them technically, as a matter of fact even a fraction of time they spend training them the "Are you satisfied with me?" would do.

Now, the first part of the subject was brought upon at the dinner table at a relative's place when my uncle declared that delhi people were inconsiderate about people having lost their ways. To give me a learning, i had to deal with it the other day. Having lost my way at Dhaula Kuan, i asked people which way was Okhla, and to my utter dismay, i got different responses from everyone. There was a somebody, who was sending me the same way where i had come from. God save people lost on the roads, for all they know, they might reach the place where they started from. And everyone is so damn confident while telling u the way, that you dont suspect them at all. And with complex delhi flyovers flooding the city, it is becoming more and more difficult to gauge the way in the absence of sign boards.

Well, observing the city from close, i'm forced to reconsider the decision i once made that Delhi is better than Calcutta. I must say, atleast the people are not. I remember from my college time, I used to fret about having to live in calcutta, which offered no respite from a boring day at college, but having experienced the life in delhi, i must say that Calcutta is a peaceful city to live where people are helpful, not misleading atleast, and where quality is given more emphasis over quantity. Sorry, Delhi, but I couldn't help it.

Tagged...

2006-10-09T13:46:00.000-07:00

Well, i have been tagged by sugata to post a silly pic of mine. After procrastinating for a long time, today i thought I would rather be done with the impending task. Well, so began the search of a silly pic. Honestly, I am not an avid collector of photographs and so I had to do a lot of searching (yeah, no googling :D) to find a relevant pic.

After a lot of pondering, I chose the pics that form the part of the post. And the pics can be termed silly only in the situational context when they were clicked. So do read on....

I took this pic (the one below) when I was fed up of the long bus travel, waiting eagerly for my destination, with stomach growling with hunger and body aching. I call it silly because this was the least expected thing I could have done at that particular moment of time :D

This one is self-explanatory. After the party, which happened to be my freshers party here at DMS, IIT Delhi, when the pics were floated on the groups and this one was seen, everybody went into splits laughing for reasons pretty evident :p

Thats all I can think of at the moment. Would update more in due course :p And since this is the first time I have been tagged on blogger, let me pass on this funny (silly) tag to lalit and preeti :)

Mediocre But Arrogant...

2006-09-25T13:16:00.000-07:00

I happened to read this book by Abhijeet Bhaduri, which gives a view of the BSchool life as seen by one of its students. And, i must say the book came out as a ready solution to some of the problems I had been facing.

For past few days, friends around me had been constantly complaining about the negative/dull attitude I was carrying. On deeper introspection, I realized that there had been a number of questions unanswered in my mind, and which were creating a loop of thoughts, eventually resulting in sulking and fretting. I had always been of the opinion that man inherently would like to crib and complain about his current state of affairs. I was analyzing, or may be over-analyzing my acts and actions at a microscopic level, and when the future won't appear very bright, I would fret 'n fume. In my mind, I had created a specific set of events that would determine my future, and was constantly evaluating those events. To be precise, I was over expecting from myself, and trying to be something that I am not. And, I got my lesson, well explained and illustrated by no one other than my dad. Yeah, he could understand the root cause of the feelings I was having, and I was apalled by the extent of correctness his analysis demonstrated. Thanks to him, I am back to life now, realizing that it is too small to bother, and too precious to waste. Not going to details, I would just say that it looks so good from where I see right now, so full of action, purpose and fun :)

C'est interessant...

2006-09-07T11:03:00.000-07:00

Ok, I am back

Ok, I am back. Silent, and out dated, as my blog looks these days, I planned to give it a change, and so here I am, this is me, ….. :)

Well, the past few days have passed by in such a speed, that I could not stop by even once and record some of the happenings. But, as they say, better late than never. Well, going into the details of my academic/personal life here at dms might take too much of efforts out of the lazy piece that I have become these days. So, I am pointing out the interesting things that happened or I observed. To start with, a few days back, we had an assignment to submit and as it always is, it was a group assignment, this time strangely of nine people. After having made our individual parts, we were sitting in the lounge to collate all individual parts and prepare the final ppt. As I had expected, people were getting irked by the opinion that one person would do the final draft by taking bits of all others. As it usually is, no body is ready to spare their precious (Ah, I hope I knew how?) time for doing things that do not fall into their zone of work deliverables. Suddenly, while arguing someone said “why should one person do the editing? We should all edit our bits and then bring them and attach it to the ppt”, to which a friend of mine replied “why? Won’t it be better if one person does it, say me” and the other person was shocked for a moment, and I could see that such an argument was not expected to be made. I laughed for quite some time, thinking of the general thinking pattern that we have these days, negative and unexpecting.

I had my minor 1, and so time for me to open up books, which were full of dust, lying all by themselves in the corner of the room. Minors came and went by, culminating in the eventual desire of going out of IIT, yeah, on the final day of minors, I really wanted to go out and let my hair loose. We eventually decided to go and see KANK, even after a series of warnings. As it had to be, no show was being aired at that time, and so we ended up watching Adam Sandler starrer “Click”. It was a nice movie, only with too much of lesson thing going out. These days, I have started disliking movies which give messages, more so the ones which try to teach life style and patterns. Every one to himself, no one can predecide the way they want to live their life, neither can they make conscious efforts to avoid being what they are. In the end, it doesn’t even matter, yeah I adore the Linkin Park song, not only for the music, but also for the wordings. No matter how much worries and tensions you inflict upon yourself, in the end it all seems baseless and inconsequential. And so do I discourage myself from worrying about every other thing that passes by, works like this for me. :)

And yeah, I am learning french, and the teacher is a mademoiselle, not madame ;) a good enough reason to keep track of french... So, au revoir! Bonne nui

Mother 'o Mother

2006-08-16T11:55:00.000-07:00

Today, when i touched my mom's hands and held her arms, i felt something odd. I observed that the arm and the hands were not as strong as they used to be. Then suddenly my mind started working on the work that my mom does everyday, beginning from the household chores to deciding stuff for us kids. We had a family get together at my place, and i was overwhelmed by seeing the amount of efforts my mom put in there. I felt bad for some time, thinking that she still has to work so much at this age. After all the work, she would ensure to remind me about the medicines and be ready for any extra requests. I once had a long fight with a dear friend on a short story he narrated to me, the summary of which was that given a situation that the woman can save either one of herself or her child, she would sacrifice her child. My friend was adamant on the fact that human being is inherently selfish. I could not relate to the story, and till today, dont believe in it. For me, a mother makes all the sacrifices one can possibly think of. Its the children who tend to forget them when the time comes to repay.

I look at the faces of the parents these days and i find a sense of fear, a weird danger that they think their life is in. They are not sure whether their children would perform their duties when the time comes, most of them are certain in the negative. And, i can't say its baseless. Given the time, love and care they spend on the children, they do deserve a better treatment. Here, i am not referring to people who would throw their parents out of their house, but even those who tend to ignore their small but precious moments of comfort and truth. From where i see, i feel that the only way the child can ever repay his parents is by devoting his life to their cause, and i ask whats wrong in that? Agreed that one needs his space, but i believe that the space always exists, one tends to fill it with material which does not even belong there and then call it stuffed.

I was silently watching my mom prepare food, and at the back of my mind I was praising GOD almighty for the world's most wonderful creation, mother.

change is inevitable...

2006-07-27T22:51:00.000-07:00

Its been a long time that i wrote a post. Not that I did not have anything to write, but i was not finding time and resources to collect my thoughts. It was only when i was feeling suffocated yesterday that i realized its time to blog :) It always happens that ways, with me.

Its the beginning of a new life, here at iit. But going back, when i was leaving calcutta, i wasn't confident at all if i would be able to handle this change. One day before leaving, while packing my things i called up lalit and asked him if i was doing the right thing. Of late, i have lacked confidence in my decisions, or should i say i always preferred to confirm things with lalit, as i always trust his instincts. So, there I was, scared and nervous, but only for a while because lalit assured me that I would do well and that there was nothing to worry. Then, I decided i wouldn't think much about the parting thing, because that would make things really bad. But, as always, i had to surrender to my thought process which made me think about all the good times spent with him for the past 5 years. I knew it would be more difficult for him, because i had felt the same way when he had gone for 3 months, for his onsite assignment, staring at the bed along side, empty and strange.

With some courage, i wished him good bye and left the city of joy, not still fully aware of this very big change in my life. The next few days kept me busy at home, and now i am finally here, at iit, to start a new life. But, as i progress, there is always confusion in my mind regarding the decisions i am taking. I know its too early to think about all that, and that its very normal too, just that it takes time to settle down. I am happy i made a few good friends here. The good part is that the campus is awesome, lush green, full of activity all the time. And the bad thing is, I am not getting much time to access internet, which had for long been my second life. But, I guess thats ok.

Life moves on, and I would move along with it, more happy, more content, ready to fight and take it face on :)

Controlling my mind...

2006-06-28T22:55:00.000-07:00

Few days back, I bought a new cell phone, which has FM radio inbuilt. People who know me around here also know how much i think when i dont have anything else to do, or even worse, start judging and analysing people/activities. Well, of late, i have started avoiding doing that, because of the repercussions that has had in my life. Although its very tough for me not to think when i am not doing something, but this new FM thing is working marvellously in my favour. Whenever i am travelling, or sitting idle, i switch on the FM, and start listening to the banter of the RJ's or the songs being played. It sure keeps my attention tied up, and leaves no room for my thought process to start working. I know you might find it weird that why do i want to run away from my mind, but the fact remains that over the years, i have come to believe in the saying that "empty mind is devil's workshop". Whenever i have some work, or i am involved in something, i am thinking creatively/positively. Whilst, the moment i start letting my idle mind take control, it takes me to the destructive way mostly, ofcourse with a few exceptions. The mind, when it has an aim and purpose, is your best friend. It helps one to come up with solutions to the problems one is facing, and does all the work required to reach a decision. At times, it also has to work round the clock to furnish a work commitment. But, when it does not have a clear vision and goal, it might stray into unforeseen lands, and might eventually hurt you with thoughts which you otherwise wouldn't have bothered to think upon. Having said that, I don't mean that I don't indulge in creative thinking, but even that has a purpose, and brings a satisfaction in the end. What I avoid is aimless/negative thinking. I believe this happens in different proportions to everyone, only that it happens much to me, and that is the reason, i have started avoiding it taking control at those moments, and its working for me. I am a happy guy, a more self-controlled person. :-)

Beach(ed)

2006-06-05T04:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, i visited a beach for the first time in my life. As i had expected it to be, it was an awesome experience, something i would treasure for a long time to come. We were a bunch of three friends and we decided to visit this beach called Shankarpur, which is a twin beach of a more famous one called Digha. We decided to visit Shankarpur, since it is less crowded and more clean. The journey was adventurous, in a different sense, what with we calling state govt. names for no proper transport. But, we decided to not ruin our moods. The bus took us to a place called 14 mile and we had to take an alternative means of transport from there. To our shock/surprise/dismay, the only means of transport available from there was a Machine Rickshaw, which is a rickshaw run with diesel, and at top of it, it was not covered from above. So, there we started our journey, legs hanging down, holding our bags, fretting at the broken road, when suddenly we started enjoying it. "We dont do such things everyday, right?", a friend said and we realized we should be happy that we got this adventurous ride. :)

We reached the place and booked the hotel room to keep our stuff. Then, before the lunch would be ready, we went to have a view of the beach, and there looking at the water coming towards me, i felt a suddle bolt of happiness hitting me. I was looking at the vast sea, its waves formed a beautiful scene and i was mesmerized, to say the least. We couldn't resist taking a dip, and at the cost of ruining our good clothes, we decided to have a little fun and come back later. After a little while, we couldn't resist going inside, so we went back to hotel, finished lunch, changed clothes, and came back. Now, deep inside the water, we were finding new ways to have fun. It was amazing how we would crawl towards the deep sea and how it would push us back towards the beach. We were anticipating which wave would be the killer wave and which one would die soon. Sometimes, a wave would form at the point we were submerged and then we would be twisted all over, drowned for a while, and pushed far away, till the receding waters would neutralize it. After some time, we started having fun under the water too, so we decided to let our body free, close our mouth and stop breathing when a wave would be approaching, and then coming out of it when it would be gone. That was a great thing to do, considering we were falling short on innovative ideas to amuse us. After a long time of splashing, drowning (pretending to drown), falling, slipping and kicking water at each other, we finally were tired and bid the beach a good bye. At the time when we had to rush back, i could not resist having a last view of the beach, and took some pics with the waves in background. From there, we went to the main beach Digha which was crowded and had the view of water splashing against small rocky formations in the night time. It was amazing to see the water splash against the stones. Happy and Satisfied, we started on our journey back. :)

A deserving break, i would really cherish it for times to come. The Sea Beckoned, and i enjoyed each and every moment i spent there.

Assumption

2006-05-20T04:37:00.000-07:00

I was once told that when we assume, we actually make an ass of u and me. Last week, i found out that its true. Assumption is a premise on which we seldom draw our conclusions. And, needless to say, one is left agape when the truth comes out.

A similar thing happened with me. I have this weird habbit of formulating a notion starting with an assumption, which at that particular time, seems obvious to me. There is a strange kind of fear that surrounds me when i start thinking about implication of something that i had not expected to happen. Normally, anyone would stop thinking about it and if need arises, deal with the repercussions as and when they happen. But, my mind can not let go anything without an analysis. So, it happens that i tend to think on it and start assuming all the negative impacts that it might have, to a point that they start appearing but natural to me and i start believing that they would be true. And in the end, when the moment of discocvery comes, i am left shocked when the eventuality is much more positive than i had thought it to be. Sometimes, i think its good because i am already prepared for the worst of all. But, at other times, i blame myself for all the pseudo analysis, and the attached tension. Well, as i see, i am a man of thinking. And i would die, when i stop doing that. And when somethings go against my expectations, my thought process concocts this chain of events, about which i am not happy, but feel relaxed on discovering that they were not true. :)

Dare to think evil?

2006-05-01T04:44:00.000-07:00

A few days back, I was talking to a friend about how crazy we sometimes want to be. Before i could realize, she was telling me numerous instances where she and her friend had behaved weirdly, or done something which normal people would contempt doing. i was laughing, for a moment unable to connect with that kind of mischief, but yes found it intriguing enough to ponder for a while on whether i wanted to do similar crazy things. I recall from my childhood that i had never been the initiator of such pranks, never had wanted to do weird things or think about them either. I was, typically, a good student throughout school and college, who would just pop up with something every now and then, but never noticeable enough to attract applause from everywhere. You know, being a good student had its share of demerits. I never wanted my teachers to think low of me in any matter. And yet, i always longed to do something eerie just to prove them that they are wrong in whatever they think about me. I guess this conflict within myself always hindered me from being open to all, because i feared explaining such things to anyone. That was when i started doing a lot of talking to myself, telling myself that i was capable of doing anything that they TDH did. And that had a lot to do with the self consciousness that i was enveloped within, something self created within me which used to stop me from being that way. Now, at this juncture of life, i want to do all the things i should have indulged in doing at that time, but as someone has said "our actions are highly patternized, for we might think of doing something different every now and then, but the mind would eventually resist it, and would like to stick to its preformed pattern". I hope i break the pattern and appease my long felt desires some day soon. :)

Use them for your happiness

2006-04-23T14:10:00.000-07:00

I was a little sad today in the morning when a few of my friends completely ignored me. Although they are not great friends, but still, just for the amount of time we have known each other, i did not expect that from them. Accidentally, my roomie came online and i told him about it. I told him how i hate if someone asks me out for pity, one can easily find that out. I told him i did not feel good, for i never expected these friends, or for that matter, anyone to behave like that to me. He was patiently listening to me, when all of a sudden, he came up with something. He said "Rohit, use them for your happiness". I was shocked at first, could not fathom the words, and asked for explanation. He told me, go along with them, talk to them, mingle with them, extract ur happiness out of them, for that is urs, not theirs. I was lost in thinking when he pointed to a fact that many guys around me were scared of me. I wondered, and yes, it was true. I could see fear in eyes of many. When and how did this happen? "you dont talk bullshit with everyone", i was informed. This was true. I have my own net of comfort, beyond which i hardly let anyone penetrate and have a glance. I thought for a while, and i knew why did this happen. I have always mixed up with people who have struck a great rapport with me, and even though there exists a category called "just friends" for people, it did not exist for me anymore. And how does it matter to me then if these people ignore me? I started thinking evil for some time, talked to my roomie if i could dominate them? He firmly replied "No, dont. Just get along with them. Sip a cup of tea and add a little personal touch in the talk". He said, "Keep ur wrath within urself. Let them think u r fine. That ways u will use them for your happiness". I knew there's got to be a deeper meaning to it, and yes there was. Coming to think of it, my mood was a lot better after that. I promised myself i wont be disappointed and show it to anyone. I would extract my happiness out of all circumstances. All that for a would be manager! :)

Alex and Emma

2006-04-18T12:54:00.000-07:00

Thats the title of the latest flick i watched. The movie is about a writer who has to write a book in 30 days, else he would be killed. He calls a stenographer to type for him. Now, he builds a plot while dictating it to her and based on her reactions/analysis, proceeds with the story of the book. It so turns out ultimately that the story was an inspiration from his life. While, in the story, he loses both the women he loved, he fights back in reality and wins the heart of the right woman, thus changing the ending of the book.

Now, what particularly glued me to the movie was the "art of writing". I always wanted to write. Blogging is my first medium for that. I always wondered how do novelists/writers come up with such a magnificent/beautiful plot in one go. The movie told me that its possible to go about writing in small spurts, progress the story as and when u r comfortable with the part so far written and when you get a clear idea of where to take the story from there. As they say, the writer plays with the characters, they are his creation. To write something, u should be clear about the start and the end. The part in between decides how good a writer you are. I intend to be one someday. I guess i am on the right path. :)

Solace in loneliness

2006-04-17T10:18:00.000-07:00

Until now, i always feared loneliness. Yeah, i was among the lucky ones to always have friend(s) around. As a matter of fact, i used to find it extremely bizzare to amble around. It was recently that i discovered the true joy of walking aimlessly. I am among the people who are very conscious of themselves and hence i never let myself free in any situation. A few days back my friend rightly pointed out that i can never walk like him, not thinking anything, as if it doesn't matter who all are looking at me and whatever they think of me. Right from my childhood, i had always felt queer being alone in a crowd. You might laugh at it, but while doing daily chores at home, when i used to land up at a shop, i used to find it bad to wait until the shopkeeper gives me the stuff and i pay up. I used to think what am i supposed to do all this while, and as a result i used to be so conscious of myself. In classroom, i used to hate it when i became the centre of attraction (for whatever reasons). Moving along with friends used to be my way to show back to the world "Here. I am not alone."

I realize that devoid of a certain realistic situation, a person would always avoid doing what he/she fears/dislikes. Thats how i came to know of things i could do successfully when i was alone, no matter whether in a crowd, or in a hidden corner of my life. They say, its all about confidence that you have on yourself. Right, it has built a lot in these last few years. Yes, i am learning slowly how to be less conscious of myself and yes, i am learning how to find solace in my loneliness. :)

The joy of achievement

2006-04-07T04:35:00.000-07:00

April, 2004: I started preparing for CAT, hoping to get an MBA admit. Consequent months saw me put all the effort i could learning.

January, 2005: Kicked by all the institutes in the written test itself. :(

Nov/Dec 2005: Gave CAT/XAT/JMET but could hardly prepare anything because of my tough work schedule (had to stretch till 1 AM in the morning sometimes).

January, 2006: Shortlisted by 3 bschools based on jmet score, namely IIT Bombay, IIT Delhi and IIT Kgp.

March, 2006: Final Selection in IIT Delhi for MBA programme 2006-2008. Also, selected in IIT Kgp and waitlisted in IIT Bombay

Its amusing, how success comes easily sometimes, without any effort. While u keep on putting ur best for no matter how much time, the joy of achievement makes its show only when its destined to. I remember the day when i went to give JMET exam, i was joking with a friend, telling him that i dont feel like giving the exam, and am so sleepy. This was the first exam where i did not show any signs of nervousness or expectations, and bingo! on spot it hit! Truely said, its all about maintaing ur calm. :)

Its the last few months at office and i dont feel like doing anything, just musing in the music of happiness, accompanied by occasional bursts of guilt consciouness. But, i guess i am on the right path. I had to take a decision about my joining in a few days after the result was declared. Some suggested that i should try another time for CAT and crack IIMs, i thought and followed my instinct and took admission, although its costing me my bond. But, i am happy, satisfied, free and lucky.

My Roomie...

2006-03-11T03:45:00.000-08:00

For people who are familiar with orkut, how many times did it happen that you wrote testimonial for a friend, filled it with lots of good things about him/her and he/she rejected it saying that "I do not want people to have pre-formed opinions about me". Yes, it happened with me when i wrote a testimonial for my room-mate, Lalit. :-)

He has been my roomie for the last 4 and a half years and in this time period, everybody(including him) say that i got changed. All because of him. When i stepped into kolkata for my college, i was full of "I", now I use more "you". The difference is what he taught me and still teaches with every new day. Living with him, i learnt how to care for others, he taught me how my problems are not so big to keep worrying about always, how to never think much on petty issues.

He is the one person who has stuck by me in my most depressing times...yes, there was a time when i did not want to talk to anyone, had it not been for him, i would have lost myself. He helped me regain my confidence. He taught me the trivial facts of life. He always serves as an inspiration. How often do you find people supportive in your cause without any glint of personal interests. How often do you find someone who does not mingle with the crowd much but in his own way helps each one of them.

Lalit is a guy who knows it all. He knows whats right and whats wrong. You just have to be friends with him to realize that. A great artist, full of creativity, embodiment of perseverance, full of love, he is the best friend one can ever have.

I just pray i be there whenever he wants me. Only thing i have for him is respect, true respect for what he is.

Thanks to orkut :-)

2006-03-07T02:31:00.000-08:00

From your childhood to teenage, from college days to working environment, one thing that guys talk about is girls :) *but obviously*

But, not many find true friends in girls...I was, since childhood, impressed by how girls used to handle situations...starts with my mom, i used to see the epitome of efficiency in her...my sisters were a true example of true managers...

But i came to know the real inside of a girl when i met her...Yes, she is the person who has left a mark on my life...who has made my life so easy...I don't say i did not make friends with girls before, but only that i can so more relate to everything after i met her *i know she is reading this, and might blush for a while, but then as she says "i dont find reasons to complement her", this would be countering that*

She is one person who can cool me down when i am in the fiercest of my moods, she is someone to whom i can relate so much. She is always ears to my strangest of talks, to my foolish analysis, to my insane advices...and i see her growing as a very mature individual.

I wish she reaches all the heights that she has set for herself...I wish we two remain good friends forever!!!

All this, thanks to orkut...yes, that is where i met her!!!

PS: may be strange, but i felt like posting.

Bombay Talking...

2006-03-02T22:41:00.000-08:00

Yes, i visited Mumbai for the first time...and u know what did i see first when the plane was landing? SLUMS...everywhere!!! They mean it when they say that most portion of mumbai is inhabited by slum dwellers...But, on the other hand, while take off during the return flight, the whole city was lighted, it was a beautiful sight...yes, i was mesmerized for some time...the city is very beautiful at night time...i happened to come through a road that had all the 5-stars hotels lined up...and yes, they looked amazing!!!

Although i stayed out of the city as my interview was in Powai, yet the city attracted me in lot many ways, one reason is that i was happy to see the lives of my b-school friends, got some of the myths cleared....and the other that my interview went good.

Walking on the roads of IIT Bombay was a delightful experience, wishing i too make it there...and be a part of the amazing institute. Having lived in Calcutta for more than 4 years, i was quick in observing the difference in the life styles of the people in mumbai...its true when they say "Bombay is dearer, but it is also the dearest". There was a different kind of an energy everywhere, which i could not relate to a specific thing...i guess its the feeling that u have when you go to a new place...Well, i hope i see more of mumbai soon....

Life and its questions...

2006-02-15T03:58:00.000-08:00

what is it that i want? What is it that i actually want to be like? What is the motivating factor in my life? What should be reason enough to strive for excellence? What is the ultimate destination? Where is the path? How do i make sure that i am traversing the correct path? Will the path ultimately lead to success? What is success for me? What???

As i connect my headphones to the computer and play the song "Awaaran banjarapan" from the movie Jism, i am into that world of why's again, thinking from the heart, yet again. Sometimes, i feel like punishing everyone for having hurt me. I feel it right now. A sudden thought went past me as i was staring at the evening sky "what is there in it for me?", "why am i here?", "is it really what i want?" and the heart starts to beat faster...

Well, i attended my first GD/PI and i observed how much lie does one has to come up with! So many mugged up answers to the closest questions to one's life. Does anyone think about them in self-introspection?

I was reading about the transcendence that one aims to achieve in his life, but wondered if it was infact possible to come over the material obsessions...well...

The interviewer asked me "What is that u want to achieve in life?". I was thinking for a while to answer that. This is reality, are we so busy in our lives that we dont have time to think about ourselves, what we want, what is it that would make us most happy...well....

I found happiness...

2006-01-22T00:28:00.000-08:00

Did i accidentally find happiness? Or was it destiny taking its toll. Amidst my routine life, sulking, cursing, fretting, i found a reason to be happy. And i hope to cling to it for lifetime. Suddenly, i was much more energetic, full of enthusiasm and energy. I wanted to use each and every second of my day in a purposeful manner. I was craving for more time. I was content in whatever i was doing. Yes, i had found happiness....after long...

Whenever something good happens, u feel motivated, u feel as if u can do anything, u want to leave sad things behind and move on with the newly found goal. The goal that would ultimately lead u to happiness...

I was having a GD, and the topic was "Black is Black and White is White". After we participants finished the discussion, the moderator opened a whole new world of thinking to us. Copernicus protested against the theory that sun revolves around the sun. He was burnt but a new theory came to existence. Sometimes, we have to go off the mark to make our point. Why hasn't anyone described that cockroaches are senuous? Thats because of the fundamental ideologies engraved in our minds by the society which says "Black is Black and White is White". He said "In every human heart, there's a beauty and a beast, the beat to be killed and beauty to be emancipated." So much true, so much sensible, so much amazing....Can white exist without black? Can black exist without white? The answer is No. Because both of them act as compliments, like Black Board and White Chalk....I was mighty impressed with his line of thinking.

"Anybody can hold the helm when the sea is calm." I pondered over this line and realized that it was so correct. What we need is patience, perseverance and astute in times of haste, pressure, compulsions. The one who can go through that phase unaffected and come out with good results is a good manager. I intend to be one someday.

My Purpose of Blogging...

2005-12-14T02:25:00.000-08:00

Lately, everybody around me had been giving me strange responses on the blog. I can categorize the responses into 1) I like your blog because its different from "what i did today" kinds usually people put up. 2) It seems you have ample time to interrogate yourself and write about the sad happenings in your life.

I was confused for a while, pondering over these two contrasting responses, when i realized the truth in its crude form. When i thought for a while, i could see that the people who were giving first kind of response are the ones who want to be in touch with their emotional self, who like to express their sentiments, and who are on the "relationship" vertex in the Action-Meaning-Relationship Traingle. Whilst the people who gave second kind of responses were action-packed.

I think i have already made it very clear through my posts, but would still repeat that my purpose of blogging is not to mention my daily life, or sharing news. The sole intention is to make myself feel happy about it, which is possible only when i touch my emotional chords. And Ergo, the content. I won't comment further.

Of Beliefs, Opinions and Characters....

2005-12-03T13:30:00.001-08:00

Well, today i made one of the most shocking discoveries of my life. May be the year 2005 is meant for me to experience all kinds of unexpected behaviors from people whom i was looking upto for some reason or the other. The year started with something that proved out to be the biggest mistake of my life, and i thought i had learnt, but heck, that was not enough.

It so happens that the person whom i was looking upto at workplace, who according to me was the most dedicated, sincere and pure person, proved out to be something else. Well, i could have easily overlooked the story and sticked to my opinion, but there was a certain folly in the air, there was this inexplicable hint that supported the new unearthed line of thinking. I was shocked for a while, gaping into thin air, until the person who brought that piece of shock to me said "Rohit, remember that people are not always like what they appear at the outside". For her, it was a statement, but for me, it was all belief, analysis and understanding gone wrong. Every assumption trashed, all the feelings wasted, all the emotions dried.

For a moment i was cursing myself, until my room-mate brought me back by saying "how u know whether this is true? And why do u let such things affect you". I had the answer, had it close to my heart, near to my soul. I had always analyzed people and always categorized them as good or bad. Not that i wanted to, but my whole sensory self would urge me to categorize and trust, or discard. Looking back, this is what i had been doing all my life. I regret for it now, i regret for it after all this, but i wonder if there is any fault of mine. I wonder if i should stop doing it. I wonder if that would be a solution to my problems. I wonder if it would really give me piece. I wonder, i belive, i form opinions, analyze characters. Am i wrong?

I call myself immature....

2005-11-04T03:34:00.000-08:00

Yes, thats true, i call myself immature, not because i am unable to think and act, but because i am not able to decide when is it worth thinking and when would it be better to let the moment pass by. These kind of decisions are the foundations of a strong and balanced mind, a mature personality, which i have concluded, i lack. A simple n plain interpretation of the same would be that i mix emotions everytime and warm up matters, when all i had to do was supress my emotions and let the moment pass by.

Well, i see people who are calm and composed and i envy them, envy the fact that they are able to handle situations so well, curse myself for some time, but then again follow my own track. May be, its a trait that we possess, which is very difficult to change - this is what i think to console myself, but deep inside i know that it just needs patience and perseverance.

I understand that people possess different emotion levels, according to which they react and think. Sometimes, my other half would insist that all this emotional hoopla is crap, but deep inside i know its not, because i carry it most of the times. Its difficult to explain in words what i feel at times, but when i do feel emotionally charged, i get that energy, that wisdom, that maturity, that change which i wish i could tap for my normal times. But, afraid to say that it ain't possible and i am left with some more emotional pondering - which starts with immature reaction but takes me to another world altogether, the world i feel the most confortable in, the world i would not mind staying the rest of my life in, the world which teaches me many things, explains myself to me, does a lot of wonderful things!!!

Living another life through dreams....

2005-10-14T12:08:00.000-07:00

This time when i was travelling in train, dozing off to sleep every now and then as always, at one moment i felt as if i was switching between two different lives, being pulled constantly towards each of them alternatively. When i fell asleep, something was fetching me from sleep to come to consciousness and in the way, the part in my dream was left incomplete. Similarly, when i was awake, i had this constant heaviness which was pulling me into sleep, not concluding meaningfully in the real world and a stealth motive attached along with it which was never disclosed. I had never felt stranger in my life till now. For a moment, i could not really make out what was happening. I am always excited by the mere mention of the word dreams and thinking about life in dreams caught my awareness to the extent that i planned to blog about it later.

Dreams - i used to associate the word with nightmares which i used to get early in the morning and sometimes i used to scream. Slowly, i realized that there are good dreams too, its just that we don't tend to remember them that much. Dreams have always excited me, a simple interpretaion of a simple dream ignites my imagination and propels me to look for analysis every time i dream something queer. But, its not everytime that i manage an analysis, so i have to usually live with the fact that its pretty normal to deam about strange things, of all you know they might not be s significant as to attract your attention. Given a chance, i would prefer remembering my dreams in the morning because they would act as good start of the day. But then, i also would have to remember the bad dreams, so i compromise with God's methodology and convention and lead my life dreaming happlily without the trouble of making much meaning out of the dreams!!!

Straight from the heart...

2005-10-04T08:31:00.000-07:00

I just want to lie down under some tree with some one close and enjoy, enjoy the sunshade, the smell of the grass, the rain drops, the touch of a friend, the kiss of closeness and a frnd, know not why so tired am i, just want to swim in the river and flow .........flow past all, kiss every wave, talk to all the fish there, see the moon, sleep on her lap and never get up!

This is something straight from my very good friend's heart. Since, he isn't into blogging, i thought it would be a great idea to share it with you people through my blog. Don't u think he has written something which all of us wanna do!!! :)

The daily dilemmas

2005-09-09T09:22:00.000-07:00

The day starts with dillemas and it ends with more dilemmas. You start your day with a resolution that you won't confuse your mind with silly issues, but the famous fact that "world behaves in a strange manner" holds true when what you do is contemplate on the difference between you and your surroundings and thus trouble your mind.

I observe that human beings always follow tracks laid by others peacefully, without any hesitation. They would be the first to reach the safe spot by following patterns, and on reaching there, they would start what they are best at. Yes, compare and blame. They would compare themselves with their peers and if they find someone better off, they would try n interrogate theirselves to find that one thing which they possess over that person. They say that friendship eases all such jealousy and hatred, but i believe that it doesn't. The human mind is born competitive and the education that he gains inculcates values which reaffirm his way of thinking.

Well, for all you know, and it might shock some, the highest level of satisfaction that people can get is when they can prove that they are better than others. I would agree that there are a few exceptions and in my belief, these exceptions are the ones who have the vision, the discreet ability to understand the true purpose of life over materialistic & temporary comforts.

How much better can life be if all were assigned fixed tasks which they had to do in insolation and without having any direct impact from others' activities. There would then be no scope for such dilemmas, no time to ponder over such issues. :)

Why?

2005-09-03T03:51:00.000-07:00

Why does it happen that when you are under immense tension and pain, a mere thought of someone you love or admire brings a smile on your face, a simple thought of the moments spent with that someone special comforts your body, ur soul.

I was wondering that when things don't go the way you prefer them to be, you always fret, crib and complain. Something like that happened with me today, but when i thought of that someone special in my life, all the confusion and anger went away. What remained with me were sweet memories and a heart-full of respect and love for that someone special.

I was talking with my friend today about not thinking too much, but hell..i ended up doing the same...well, we get hurt just because we think a little too much on issues which do not deserve our attention. But, then its all so saintly at the other side. Being at the same side and going through is another thing altogether.

Still, i believe that the solution to all the worries is spending time with and on your loved ones. They are the ones who realize your true worth. They are the ones who should matter most, over all things. They are the ones you should remember first, not only in times of suffering, but during all the phases of your life. :)

My Mind...

2005-08-24T22:35:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, we don't know what our mind is upto. These days, i am confused as to why my mind is behaving weirdly. From the moment that i have come to Kolkata, its searching for something, but strangely won't even confide into me. Well, i observe that i am always looking for something, but feel defeated when i don't come to know what it is. Today morning, i felt a sudden desire to blog and since then i am hoping that this is what my mind was looking for.

There is something strange in this world. I feel as if some unknown power has some influence over me. Not that i would like to name that power, but i strongly feel that the power controls some elements of our lives. They say that Happiness and Gloom are phases of life, but i doubt that. I think that distress accompanies happiness, because there is nothing like absolute contentness. When we achieve something, there is already something else that we want to achieve. Add to it, confusion and chaos of life. The perfect mixture is ready to stress you till you drop ur senses and scream "What the Heck?"

Well, My friend told me yesterday that i no longer have that fire towards my passions. On complete introspection, i realized that he was right. Not that i had done that purposefully, but this is what has happened. May be, some situational factors lead to such a conclusion, but then, thats what it is. And that is all the more reason I am blogging. To bring myself to life, to divert my mind from issues which confuse me even more, to bring a smile on my face which comes after i write something.

I know that might have been a strange account, but if you guys felt something similar anytime in your life, do pour in ur comments. :)

My parallel profession...Haha...

2005-07-24T07:54:00.000-07:00

Offlate, i had started believing in the fact that i can pursue a parallel profession in the form of love counselling. Yesterday, my best friend reaffirmed my belief when he said that i am almost there. Haha..i never knew what i was doing when i was helping all my love-struck friends come out of their problems, now i know....i was laying foundation for a wonderful parallel profession!!!

Well, i laugh it out, but somewhere something is strange...while i might be immature in things related to myself, on the other hand, when it comes to solving problems of others, motivating them in believing in their love n life and helping them come out of depression, they say that i am the best. Well, now i relaize that i have possibly done some good in this way and i am happy that apart from my daily mean life, i am doing something to help my dear friends!!!

Well, after reading this, comment on what u think about my counselling powers...All sorts of comments are welcome, till they r coming from my loved ones....Cheers!!!

Intuitions...

2005-06-25T12:25:00.000-07:00

I keep on saying that my intuitions come out true....many people laugh out...but deep inside i know there is something that sends me signals, that helps me decide, that is true to my conscience. A recent happening has reaffirmed my belief. When i was coming from calcutta hoping that it would be the last time i would see Howrah Bridge in front of my eyes, deep inside of me i had this intuition that somehow i would be brought back to this city, otherwise the farewell would not have been this meagre. Something told me that there is some unfinished task in the city, some unravelled mystery, some hidden journey that i had yet to embark upon. I wanted not to go back to the city because i have not had many good memories attached with it, but i knew that the more i despise the city the more i will be drawn towards it. And as it appears now, i shall have to stay for quite some time in the city of joy - Kolkata as my posting location at Wipro has been fixed as Kolkata. I may not think all the time the reason behind this, but i know that there is sure something that has kept me attached to the city. Well, my future will tell what and i am ready to face it.

Feelings given life....by a Song!!!

2005-06-23T06:01:00.000-07:00

What i always felt, what i longed to put in words, what i was always thinking....has been beautifully put into words by Linkin Park's song "Easier to Run". The part i am talking about goes like:

Something has been taken from deep inside of me,
A secret I've kept locked away,
No one could ever see,
Wounds so deep they never show,
They never go away,
Like moving pictures in my head,
For years and years they've played.

If I could change i would,
Take back the pain I would,
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would,
If I could stand up and take the blame I would,
I would take all the shame to the grave.

Sometimes I remember,
The darkness of my past,
Brinking back these memories,
I wish I didn't have,
Sometimes I think of letting go,
And never looking back,
And never moving forward so,
There would never be a past.

Just washing it aside,
All of the helplessness inside,
Pretending I don't feel misplaced,
It's so much simpler than change.

It's easier to run!!!
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Then face all this pain here all alone.....

When i heard this song for the first time, i was shocked to discover the words i was searching for. Thereafter, this song has become one of my favourites.

A rare thought...

2005-06-18T11:43:00.000-07:00

They say some people are essential for survival, some feelings are necessary to exist, some memories are meant to be cherished. But i question them, i provide the basis of SELF, of EGO, and of WORLDLINESS.

The long surviving notions of friendship, innocence and love are losing out on their meaning these days when people prefer to sacrifice them to satisfy their selfish interests. I was shocked when i faced this new world, but after some time i realized that its not the fault of the people who live in it, who have been moulded according to the new parameters of success, according to the new redefined standards. It is rather the fault of the ones who have the knack to observe the wrong, the ones who have the astute to differentiate between the prevalant and the good, these ones who have got discreet powers but still not do anything to make the others aware of their ignorance, of their blindness, of their good.

On first thought, one decrypts the idea as one of new revolution, of something very demanding, of something too difficult for them to pursue with their normal lives, but if they give things a second thought, they would realize that what is needed is spreading of good-will, awareness about happiness, and teaching of friendship. People are by birth innocent and pure and retaining it is difficult, not impossible. The ones who maintain the same virtues are the ones who feel suffocated when they observe the others changed with time. These are the ones who need to work on the existing standards, change them wherever possible and provide people opportunities to revive their pure selves, to never give them a chance to say that they had to do it because thats the way it is.

I would stop questioning the people once there is enough awareness, enough purity, enough innocence, enough frienship, enough love.

I never used to believe in sunsigns..

2005-05-26T01:19:00.000-07:00

Yeah, there was a time i used to mock my friends for believing in the planets n their motions, the heavenly n the unexplainable, the supersititious n the strange. And there is this time when i believe in each and every word of sunsigns, of the planetary shifts, of their effects on my life. The transition was triggered by the realization that whatever was written in my sunsign was 100% truth. Thats what i am. Sometime back, when i first read a detailed description of my sunsign "Cancer", i was shocked to read it because what my mind said was "Thats me, They are explaining me". I felt like it was written exclusively for me and felt proud of the fact until later when i was told that the same holds for all people of my sunsign. But, the writing had done its magic till then. I was ensnared by it, it led me in believing each and every stuff related to it.

Later, i started drawing conclusions like the majority(aleast 50%) of my friends were librans or capricorns and that the same must apply to all people of my sunsign. I was discouraged by different responses for some other cancerians, but i still held my belief high. Then, it struck me that the 3 sunsigns - Cancer, Libra and Capricorn are related in some way. There is some unknown thing common in all 3 of them. Yeah, i went in search of that unknown thing, only to realize that its not for me to find out. Its all written in God's language. I can only take relief from the fact that i deduced something meaningful.

Now, these days, whenever the subject of sunsign comes up, a strange sort of smile comes to my face, sometimes even unexplainable to myself, but yeah...it resides there...on my face...in my conscience!!!!

Innocence vs World

2005-05-21T06:22:00.000-07:00

I was just giving it a rare thought that why do people have to grow up and loose their innocence? When we are children, nothing bothers us. We possess all the qualities that a "good person" should possess. But, as we grow up, all of these qualities are eroded one by one. And the answer that we get is, ITS WORLD!!! U GOTTA MOVE WITH IT!!!

I ask everyone why do we need to loose our innocence. Agreed, that innocence brings along with it some immaturity, but isn't that taken care of by the age? Whenever i watch a Tom and Jerry Cartoon, thats when i am innocent and i want to hold on that moment, 'cuz deep inside my heart i fear that this moment's gonna pass and then i have to wear the mask again. The mask of worldliness, the mask that may slowly be killing my innocence but which currently helps me flow with the river. I dare ask sometimes "Do i have to do it" and i can't trust my own self when the answer that comes is "Do u have an option?"

Mind sometimes leads me to a "fairy tail" world where i am so pure n untouched, but at the end i am knocked to my senses and i fear to admit that i have to return back. I fight my days thinking may be a day will come when i won't have to wear that mask...I wish such a day comes...

PS : I know i have gone against the very idea of the blog i.e. happiness, but couldn't stop my feelings. :)

Hey! I too am a blogger now....

2005-05-17T09:30:00.000-07:00

Well, i would like to dedicate this first post to the person who led me into the blogging business, a guy who has recently become a dear friend : Theyaga Rajan. The purpose of this blog, as the name suggests, is to quote the 3 Ls - Love, Life n Laughter. Any 2 would be incomplete without the 3rd. So, spread laughter and make ur life lovable!!!!